1. August 29, 2014

    A human skull was found in the donation bin of a Texas Goodwill.  What’s worse, it was still connected to Madonna’s living body.

    A human skull was found in the donation bin of a Texas Goodwill.  “I can finally finish my Calista doll!” shouted Harrison Ford.

    A German artist hid $16,000 worth of gold bars on a beach in England.  It’s all part of a social experiment to discover if the English are actually capable of getting a tan.

    A German artist hid $16,000 worth of gold bars on a beach in England.  “In your face!” shouted the ever-present beach bum with a metal detector and knee high white socks.

    David Cameron has changed the UK threat level from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe.’  It’s got him in such a tizzy that he had two scones at teatime.

    The Washington Post reported today that ISIS has been water-boarding hostages.  This is truly disappointing.  There are much more effective ways of getting information, like forcing hostages to watch E!’s marathon of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

  2. Show the world we want a phone worth keeping! #phonebloks


    Show the world we want a phone worth keeping! #phonebloks


  3. Living in LA has Ruined Me as a Midwesterner

    I can’t remember the number of times people have said to me, “You’re so nice and you work hard. I can totally tell you’re from the Midwest.” But living out in here in Los Angeles has changed me. Changed me in ways that, little by little, have ruined me as a Midwesterner forever.

    1. In the Midwest, people thank their cashiers, leave gifts for their mail/garbage men, and most importantly, say hello to their neighbors. Here in LA, I live in an apartment building with only five other units.  I have never said hello to any of them. Why? Partly because I assume none of them speak English. With nationalities varying from Chinese, Armenian, and Filipino, odds are I would end up offending them by using the wrong English greeting. Does this make me racist? No. It makes me an Angelino. 

    2. In the Midwest, people take Secret Santa seriously. Weeks of research and spy games go into effect. Email hacking, phone tapping, and tailing are all completely acceptable when it comes to figuring out the perfect gift.  Here in LA, I also participate in Secret Santa’s. My work was just finishing up production and had a half-wrap party/half-holiday party, where we passed out our gifts. Mine was my Secret Santa’s resume.

    3. The only area where my Midwest and West Coast selves align: Word Pronunciation. Being in southern California, Los Angeles has a major Spanish influence. Yet most pronunciations sound exactly like something you would find in the Midwest. The only word that seems to be pronounced correctly is the street name, Cahuenga. The correct pronunciation is “ca-wang-a,” yet the first time you see it, everyone pronounces it the same way, “ca-hu-anga,” which sounds like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle trying to hide the fact that he has a stutter.  Here in Los Angeles. whenever a word is mispronounced and corrected by a friend or co-worker, three things immediately happen:

    i. Shame. Even if you have never seen/heard the word before, you feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

    ii. Blind Acceptance.  Whether the person correcting you is a trustworthy source or not, if they’ve lived in the area longer than you, you accept their chastising as fact.

    iii. Searching. You being an immediate quest for someone to also mispronounce the word so you can correct him or her, feel superior, and start the cycle all over again.

    Second only to Cahuenga on the mispronouncing scale is “Los Feliz.” That’s because though this is a very Spanish phrase, it’s pronounced exactly as if it were a street in the Midwest. The correct pronunciation is “los fay lease”, yet here in LA it’s pronounced “los fee less.”  Which is fine until Christmas rolls around and you feel like an idiot singing your favorite Christmas carol.

  4. paulftompkins:

    It was my great pleasure to make my second appearance on the wonderful Up Late With Adam Fisher in the guise of a certain lordly composer. 

    Oh, and a brand-new Pod F. Tompkast will arrive tomorrow, PST.*

    Don’t get drunk and fight each other!

    *That stands for “Pacific Standard Time.” I am not about to tell you a secret. The only thing I have to tell you is that I love you. And that ain’t a secret. I love you, the end.

    (Source: paulftompkins)

  5. Hiatus has freed me from my hiatus

    The lack of posts has been due to the fact that I created this blog to help me in the job hunting process. After it helped me get a job, I no longer needed to update it. Here we are 12 months later, and suddenly I have a plethora of free time on my hands again. Expect to see a much larger number of posts in the coming weeks.

  6. One of the creepiest zombie movies of all time came out recently but I’m not sure if their trailers going in the right direction.   Check it out.


Writings, Tweets, and Unused Monologue Jokes. Also, please check out my main website: www.kylebenham.com

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