1. Show the world we want a phone worth keeping! #phonebloks


    Show the world we want a phone worth keeping! #phonebloks


  2. Living in LA has Ruined Me as a Midwesterner

    I can’t remember the number of times people have said to me, “You’re so nice and you work hard. I can totally tell you’re from the Midwest.” But living out in here in Los Angeles has changed me. Changed me in ways that, little by little, have ruined me as a Midwesterner forever.

    1. In the Midwest, people thank their cashiers, leave gifts for their mail/garbage men, and most importantly, say hello to their neighbors. Here in LA, I live in an apartment building with only five other units.  I have never said hello to any of them. Why? Partly because I assume none of them speak English. With nationalities varying from Chinese, Armenian, and Filipino, odds are I would end up offending them by using the wrong English greeting. Does this make me racist? No. It makes me an Angelino. 

    2. In the Midwest, people take Secret Santa seriously. Weeks of research and spy games go into effect. Email hacking, phone tapping, and tailing are all completely acceptable when it comes to figuring out the perfect gift.  Here in LA, I also participate in Secret Santa’s. My work was just finishing up production and had a half-wrap party/half-holiday party, where we passed out our gifts. Mine was my Secret Santa’s resume.

    3. The only area where my Midwest and West Coast selves align: Word Pronunciation. Being in southern California, Los Angeles has a major Spanish influence. Yet most pronunciations sound exactly like something you would find in the Midwest. The only word that seems to be pronounced correctly is the street name, Cahuenga. The correct pronunciation is “ca-wang-a,” yet the first time you see it, everyone pronounces it the same way, “ca-hu-anga,” which sounds like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle trying to hide the fact that he has a stutter.  Here in Los Angeles. whenever a word is mispronounced and corrected by a friend or co-worker, three things immediately happen:

    i. Shame. Even if you have never seen/heard the word before, you feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

    ii. Blind Acceptance.  Whether the person correcting you is a trustworthy source or not, if they’ve lived in the area longer than you, you accept their chastising as fact.

    iii. Searching. You being an immediate quest for someone to also mispronounce the word so you can correct him or her, feel superior, and start the cycle all over again.

    Second only to Cahuenga on the mispronouncing scale is “Los Feliz.” That’s because though this is a very Spanish phrase, it’s pronounced exactly as if it were a street in the Midwest. The correct pronunciation is “los fay lease”, yet here in LA it’s pronounced “los fee less.”  Which is fine until Christmas rolls around and you feel like an idiot singing your favorite Christmas carol.

  3. paulftompkins:

    It was my great pleasure to make my second appearance on the wonderful Up Late With Adam Fisher in the guise of a certain lordly composer. 

    Oh, and a brand-new Pod F. Tompkast will arrive tomorrow, PST.*

    Don’t get drunk and fight each other!

    *That stands for “Pacific Standard Time.” I am not about to tell you a secret. The only thing I have to tell you is that I love you. And that ain’t a secret. I love you, the end.

    (Source: paulftompkins)

  4. Hiatus has freed me from my hiatus

    The lack of posts has been due to the fact that I created this blog to help me in the job hunting process. After it helped me get a job, I no longer needed to update it. Here we are 12 months later, and suddenly I have a plethora of free time on my hands again. Expect to see a much larger number of posts in the coming weeks.

  5. One of the creepiest zombie movies of all time came out recently but I’m not sure if their trailers going in the right direction.   Check it out.

  6. Monday, August 9 - Monday August 23

    Sorry for the lack of posts.  I’ve been posting on Twitter daily but forget to post to here.  You can follow me on twitter @kylebenham

    1. An LA jail has a laser that produces a “deep burning sensation”. Before this laser the only way to get that was to stay in a cell with Bubba.
    2. Bristol Palin’s speaking fee is $14k. It will cost you $50k to get her to shut up     
    3. The Washington Post is curious how to spell the N-word after the Dr. Laura controversy. In the case of Dr. Laura it’s w-h-o-o-p-s
    4. Tiger Woods and Elin are officially divorced. She gets $100 M, partial custody of the kids, and his balls on a jar
    5. The Situation is supposed to make $5 M this year. And that’s before the release of his solo sex tape
    6. NY police bust a 12 year old girl in a huge drug sting. She’d been pushing Ovaltine on the third graders.
    7. Rod Blagojevich owes $100k on his credit card. Looks like he’ll need to sell another senate seat soon.     
    8. Jennifer Aniston bashed for using the word ‘retard’. She defense is she learned it from reading reviews of her movies.
    9. Kat Von D and Jesse James have been hanging out. It doesn’t mean they’re dating but it does make Kat Von D racist by association
    10. Ancient “terror birds” used their mega-beaks to stab prey. Modern terror birds use their mega beaks to scare the crap out of me.
    11. Cameron Diaz’s the most dangerous celebrity to search for online.Also the most dangerous to have star in your movie if you’re a fan of
    12. James Cameron dreams of a time where all movies are 3D. And his name appears before every title.
    13. Today’s the 90th anniversary of women’s right to vote.It’s also the anniversary of the night every member of the senate got blackout drunk
    14. Wyclef Jean auto corrects in my phone to “sucked”.
    15. The NYC Burger King is selling a pizza burger. It comes with four patties, marinara sauce, and a free by-pass surgery
    16. American Apparel faces bankruptcy.NY hipsters better stock up or else they’ll have to walk around naked in 6mo when their shirts fall apart.
    17. Rod Blagojevich was convicted of 1 of 24 charges. Turns out the only thing he’s guilty of is getting Sinbad kicked off Celebrity Apprentice
    18. An African man is convinced he’s grown a vagina.Someone should tell him just because you stick a penis in something doesnt make it a vagina
    19. Real Housewife Danielle Staub is reportedly fired from the show. So look for her in a new show “Danielle Gets a Job? Eh Probably Not
    20. A piece of the True Cross was returned to a Boston church unharmed. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the stained diaper of Buddha.
    21. In an act of revenge, Justin Bieber tweeted the phone# of an enemy. After 1000s of texts & calls Kanye decided he DOESN’T like attention
    22. Snooki is denied trademark for the name Snooki. Now she’ll have to publish books under the name “Ghost Writer”
    23. Thousands of dead fish washed up on the Jersey Shore. It’s the first time the fish smell at the shore isn’t coming from Snooki and J-Woww.
    24. Bin Laden’s chef has been sentenced to 14 years in Gitmo. He was found guilty of aggravated assault and pepper
    25. Study says religious couples stay together longer than godless ones.In both cases the sex had is the same despite the relationship’s length.
    26. A study shows that bouncy castles expose kids to high levels of lead poisoning. There risk of a snapped neck remains the same however.
    27. Italian mother reported a topless tanner for “troubling her sons” The trouble: they couldn’t approach the board to finish the math problem.
    28. The producer of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has died. He accidentally crashed the glass elevator through the glass ceiling.
    29. The jury in the Blagojevich trial is in a deadlock. They can’t decide who wears that hairstyle better: Blagojevich or Bieber.
    30. Montana Fishburne has been offered a long term porn deal. Longterm is the name of her co-star.
    31. Jennifer Lopez has been dropped as judge of American Idol. Apparently FOX wasn’t cool paying someone whose only job was to carry her butt.
    32. People are saying John McCain’s been flirting with Snooki over Twitter.But he thought he was just ordering a side of oranges with breakfast
    33. Sly Stallone is defending the violence in The Expendables. His main argument is that no one in it can actually act.
    34. Netflix signs a multiple year deal to stream EPIX movies. Your wait to have From Justin to Kelly at your fingertips is over
    35. Justin Bieber is the new spokesperson for Proactive.Which begs a question: how many days does it take to get rid of an unsightly Bieber?
    36. The Situation has debuted his clothing line DILLIGAF. It stands for “do I look like I’m gay? Absolute fact
    37. NY Times released a story blaming celebrity meltdowns on the weather. It might be the heat, but only if “heat” is the Times code for crack.
    38. Study shows that ‘toning shoes’ don’t actually work. And The Expendables isn’t about a group of geriatrics mad about Obamacare.
    39. Rod Stewart is going to be a father again at 65.It’s not really a baby though because you can’t make a baby when your semen’s actually dust
    40. Rod Stewart is going to be a father again at 65. Upon birth the baby will be eligible for Medicare
    41. The CEO of HP’s mistress has come forward and she’s an adult film star. He liked her because she’d RAM his hard drive #nerdjokes
    42. A WV man was arrested for masturbating in a park while holding an armless mannequin.It was the only girl he knew who wouldnt put up a fight
    43. Miami was named the 9th worst place to live. It was much lower on the list last year but shot up once the cast of Jersey Shore arrived
    44. A recent study shows that people who are awkward at a young age will be that way for the rest of their lives. Somewhere Justin Bieber cries.

Writings, Tweets, and Unused Monologue Jokes. Also, please check out my main website: www.kylebenham.com

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